* (seven_worlds) wrote,

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love in retrograde

I remember a time not too long ago to escape my mind
of songs, of first love, and of puppy dog sheets

"Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong..."

I was young, naive, and above all incredibly stupid
I was used, abused, and was decieved into believing in that kind of peace.
But I learned, oh you better believe I learned fast
A crash course in relationships right there

I came to recognise the two ways in which I love, and never the two shall converge...unfortunately it is either one way or the other:
I can be extremely passionate and emotional, be inspired to exhaustion everyday by that love, sacrifice nothing or everything of myself, but with that comes just as potent anger and mental unstability or
I can be unwaivering in my love and loyalty, a happy medium with no unstability, I can see years into the future and still see a consistant happiness despite hard times, but that kind of love quickly breeds boredom from my partner if they are looking for adventure and cannot appreciate my outright humbleness.

All I ever wanted was someone to believe in me, and express it in a way that I can process.
For the second type, words mean little unless they are backed up with action, simply because I equate it with security
For the first type, words and literature mean everything, action of things said is a bonus.

I need a rock on which to anchor myself, someone who can pick me up when I fall, reasonably joke about it but brush the dirt off too
My love split into those two types the day I fell, you joked about it, and then ran off with your idiot brother leaving me there on the ground. The fantasy shattered, I saw you for who you really were, and the last of my innocence packed up her bags and left with a tear and a sniffle.

Now here I am, hearing the song on the radio which can sum up my naivety during those three years...
something that I felt I wanted so bad back then, is something that I have in its entirety right now
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