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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in *'s LiveJournal:

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Friday, June 17th, 2005
3:38 pm
I have uncovered a song which will unite all 4 corners of the globe in happiness and everyone dancing around like rocks...but they arent rocks...they are really rock lobsters

Brought to light by tattoo masters at Funhouse in Vancouver:


I should call Wade in an hour to see if he remembers anything I mumbled to him this morning about the dream I had last night.

best morning conversation/half-awake hallucination ever

wade: you dont want to watch the news this morning
me: why?
wade: there is a kitty on there that died
me: huh? wha?
wade: it had two faces on the same head
me: geh?
wade: two pairs of eyes, two noses, one mouth

now I think he was getting ready to go to work and saw it on the 6am news, and I swear it didnt make any sense to me until I got out of bed at 9...it just fucked with my mind for a wee bit and I envisioned this kitten resembling a spider with the eyes lined up just so and the noses side by side

Current Mood: TGI-fucking-F!
Monday, June 13th, 2005
2:30 pm
it was so great to get a huge grocery shop done yesterday morning, no matter how early it was, it was worth it because we got a ride home.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that Lafarge is going to give me more than $15/hour, but I wont know until I go back to the quarry and talk to the boss.

as for vehicles, a 1998 Pontiac Sunfire has caught my eye, so next weekend I am going to go and check it out.

back to making lasagne
Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
9:32 am
Thought I'd been in love before,
but in my heart, I wanted more.
Seems like all I really was doing
was waiting for you

My life started a new chapter over a year ago, from sadness to finally bliss
since then such wonderful volumes have been writ.
I no longer think of it as some fantastical dream, I no longer pinch myself
A week from tomorrow we truly begin our life together, and I need no piece of paper to validate it
You will be the last thing I see at night and the first thing I snuggle up to in the morning
for every night and every morning until death separates us
Normally when faced with this, people get scared
Not me! I know what I want in my life, and what I want is you by my side
As a friend, as a companion, as a confident, as a husband, as a lover, as an equal, as it all and everything in between

As much as I am your star, you are my ursa major

Current Mood: loved
Thursday, April 7th, 2005
11:59 pm
love in retrograde
I remember a time not too long ago to escape my mind
of songs, of first love, and of puppy dog sheets

"Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong..."

I was young, naive, and above all incredibly stupid
I was used, abused, and was decieved into believing in that kind of peace.
But I learned, oh you better believe I learned fast
A crash course in relationships right there

I came to recognise the two ways in which I love, and never the two shall converge...unfortunately it is either one way or the other:
I can be extremely passionate and emotional, be inspired to exhaustion everyday by that love, sacrifice nothing or everything of myself, but with that comes just as potent anger and mental unstability or
I can be unwaivering in my love and loyalty, a happy medium with no unstability, I can see years into the future and still see a consistant happiness despite hard times, but that kind of love quickly breeds boredom from my partner if they are looking for adventure and cannot appreciate my outright humbleness.

All I ever wanted was someone to believe in me, and express it in a way that I can process.
For the second type, words mean little unless they are backed up with action, simply because I equate it with security
For the first type, words and literature mean everything, action of things said is a bonus.

I need a rock on which to anchor myself, someone who can pick me up when I fall, reasonably joke about it but brush the dirt off too
My love split into those two types the day I fell, you joked about it, and then ran off with your idiot brother leaving me there on the ground. The fantasy shattered, I saw you for who you really were, and the last of my innocence packed up her bags and left with a tear and a sniffle.

Now here I am, hearing the song on the radio which can sum up my naivety during those three years...
something that I felt I wanted so bad back then, is something that I have in its entirety right now

Current Mood: calm
Thursday, March 24th, 2005
7:17 am
My snugglybear comes home tonite!!!

Now all I have to do is kill 11-12 hours of time :P
Sadly baking a cake will only take up 3

Still havent heard anything back from Lafarge yet and it is making me antsy because I dont like the idea of being unemployed.

Current Mood: crazy
Friday, March 18th, 2005
6:56 pm
I did a bad thing.....
I stole BACK the light bulb for my lava lamp from my brother

but hey, now my lamp works and looks oh so pretty with the red globs and such

Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
10:07 pm
"And I would be the one to hold you down.."

Would it be worth it to turn around and walk away for career and education's sake, if it meant losing you?

Would you lose respect for me if I loved you so much to put it all on hold because I wanted to be near you?

Perhaps the threat of dividing paths persuades me to push for a more solid commitment
but one never knows what is around the bend so I should straighten out and shut up about it henceforth
because your career is important to you and I never want to hold you back

Current Mood: distressed
Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
10:56 am
"you better be street if yer looking at me"
gahahaha get out of my head!!!!

I am hungy

Current Mood: crazy
Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
2:13 pm
I made the horrible mistake of taking the 130 from metrotown to get to classes this afternoon

why so horrible?
not 1, but 2 different Burnaby schools were participating in a fieldtrip of some sorts
Moscrop and Alpha students were fucking jamming up the buses and being quite loud and rude.

I love kids, but I hate disrespectful youth who
1. clutter up the front door of the bus because they dont want to cram with their peers
2. refuse to give up their seat for an elderly person
3. dont get out of my fucking way when I try to get off at my stop

ah well, as a plus, I think my Civ midterm slated for tomorrow morning is cancelled and is going to be moved to after spring break. Ed was kind of unspecific about that in his email this morning, but it sounds like no midterm tomorrow.
Stats teacher is giving us a "surprise" quiz on stuff we just learned an hour and a half ago.
heehee...probability concerning normal distributions is so hard :P

Current Mood: blah
Thursday, February 24th, 2005
4:19 pm
"..to make room for the tuna"

fuck I lurve Gir *plays with her gir-dog stuffy*

mmm...cake smells soooooooo good, cant wait to do all the other cool stuff to it (ie. get that cream soda/strawberry jello into it, put a vanilla pudding filling, slather it with yummy vanilla frosting, ooooh then rainbow sprinkles and candles!)

yes yes, I get very bouncy when baking for people.
I put my heart and soul into the treats I give them, but I never feel drained.

Cake is done *skips off*

Current Mood: bouncy
Sunday, February 20th, 2005
10:24 am
submission will be nice for a change of pace heehee

Current Mood: devious
Thursday, February 17th, 2005
9:58 pm
Birthdays Birthdays!
I have bought all of Wade's birthday presents, and they should all be arriving in the 2 week window when he is here. I think he will be happy with all of them, and I think Ive done a good job mining him for ideas. lol

But whiles writing another email to my english teacher, I have remembered my idea of the ultimate gift for my own birthday which is coming up in a little over two months.
Yes, you've got it! A geology map of Vancouver Island!

haha yep I am such a dork...but it is the perfect present!

oooh oooh! Or a series of same size paper but smaller scale geology maps of the island that I can put it together like a puzzle and have it in the bedroom spanning from floor to ceiling!

Current Mood: ecstatic
Monday, February 14th, 2005
11:31 pm
little miss fucked in the head
sometimes I am totally mystified by how my emotions are generated despite events going in the opposite direction.

and then there definite and rational reasons as to why I hate this fucking holiday, and why no matter what relationship situation I find myself in, I feel alone and/or abandoned.

perhaps I am crying because he didnt call me tonite
perhaps I am crying because he is not here right now, that him gone pains me as it would if a limb were bludeoned off by axe
perhaps I cry because I try to be strong, to not tie him down with how I feel

perhaps it is all in the same, perhaps it is this horridly commercial day and having the fact that although I am loved I am on my own rubbed in my face by many, or perhaps it is something completely and entirely different than mentioned.

So I do what I do every year, atypical to how most women would react if put in the same circumstances, I invigorate my mind.
This is indeed my Kinsey year, and today was its high peak.

going to sleep with a full brain to dream of possibility

Current Mood: contemplative
Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
2:55 am
In my life I have come to a great and many conclusions about myself, though some parts change with time and experiences the most valuable ones never do. Those are the pearls that shape my core being, the spring of my artistry, and the bearings of my conscience.

Have I gone to hell and back? of course I have
To have gotten where I am today, I would bravely walk in the steps of old
Have I slayed all of my monsters? I dont think anyone can truely be free no matter how glorious the war

As I look out at all the pretty little fixtures of light waivering on the water, I go through some pasts in my head.
Conversations done over, things that should have been said or done, things that were written down but never finished.
I will always have nitemares of being too short to reach the brake pedal before immenant crash, but I will never have nitemares of those pasts whirling about in the patched-up mind. I wonder why sometimes. Once something is done, do I just pack up my bags and leave? Do I push the limits of personality and stick around when I am unwanted? Or is it a horrible mesh of former and latter, a limbo game where I break my back? In the end I just know it is in my best interest to blankly fade away, just as I know I do in other's minds and hearts as swiftly as I came into them. All the time people say that they could never forget my spark, but I have known for quite some time that they are all a big lot of liars and cheats. I have stopped waiting for the tide to turn, to be replaced and to be spiteful about the event.

I have gotten tired of walking through muck and mire with suitcases that get heavier everytime
I have waited all my life for someone to pick me up, brush the mud off, and say "come on Erin, let's go home"
for someone who never considered any place remotely home, for me to understand such a statement it speaks of ties to a deeper trust and faith in someone.
But I did find home in the last place on earth I could possibly want to look for it.
I had to walk through my own personal hell, fall into a pit of despair, to find that silver shaft of light to save me.
whenever I was shattered into indecipherable glass pieces, you kneeled down to put me back together effortlessly whiles others desperately tried and shortly thereafter failed.

You are my home

Current Mood: loved
Thursday, January 20th, 2005
7:29 am
Currently hooked on battleship..such an evil evil game

2 hours of physics today, separated by a 3 hour block. Perhaps during that time I will finally go purchase the notebook for that class and start doing problems from it.

Wish I could sleep through the day today because it is getting harder and harder for me to fall asleep at a decent time. went to bed at 10:30, didnt get to sleep until sometime around 1.

Current Mood: calm
Thursday, January 13th, 2005
5:30 pm
hoping for the best when bear calls tonight

Current Mood: contemplative
Thursday, December 16th, 2004
10:29 pm
a geotech bitchrant
yeah yeah, we've all heard this before...

gawdamn senior geo on wade's crossshift (Joe) keeps up with the same old shit even though he has the student helper
ie. leaving a backlog of paperwork that is supposed to be finished and entered onto computer as soon as one gets it, leaving the racks full of core boxes that he outright lied and said were logged, not even fucking cleaning up the coreshack...etc..

the list goes on. too fucking long my bear has had to put up with this shit
he has went to his bosses and showed them the problem and told them his frustrations, and yet nothing has been done about it

Although I fear for future financial security for him if he was to quit this job (this has been the second time in two shifts that he has seriously considered quitting the job due to Joe being a slow and inefficient worker) and look elsewhere, his happiness is the most important to me. If he was to go to Vosey Bay in newfoundland to find a fulfilling job, and would have to move there because the company wouldnt pay for his flight to and from vancouver, I would move with him.
I just want him to be happy in a job, for all his hard work at Eskay Creek, he gets treated like shit in return.
I know he would have been happy there if people on his crossshift would do the work that is required of them, and it is not just Joe, the whole crew slacks off.

I love my bear to death, but I think it will ultimately be his softness that will prevent him from getting anywhere in Barrick.
yes, they give him hints of a van office position of something better, but sometimes I doubt they will ever deliver.
Joe is getting slower in his middle age, but that is only because his work methodology is shit and he refuses to learn a new way to get his work done faster.
Wade is a kind-hearted man in a cutthroat industry, who couldnt fathom trying to get Joe fired because he has a family.
It is an admirable quality and it makes him special beyond belief, that he thinks of others before himself when it comes to shaping his own career. Of course I am saying this as a point of contrast to what I would do in that situation.
1. Yes the man has a family to support and problems in his life, but that should NEVER hinder someone in the workplace nor give them a sympathy card to use to take advantage of harder working people.
2. If you cant get the job done, ask for a severence package and get the fuck out to make room for people who will actually get the work done
Saying this, what I would do:
1. first write a very direct and attention-grabbing email to Joe (ie. using words like "I am appalled" or "I am disgusted")
2. if nothing is done, email him again stating the problems and warn him that if nothing happens that you will talk to people higher up
3. if nothing happens and bosses have been continually notified about Joe's poor work habits yet they do nothing and the problem persists (this is where Wade is at in his struggle) give the people higher up an initial altimadum (ie. "I am starting to look for a more rewarding job with a different company")
4. if still nothing happens and the condition either stays the same or worsens, the final altimadum: "Either he goes or I go."
and considering that bear has had 7 viable job offers in a month's time, one can see who the more valued asset to the company is.

I am just sick of all this bullshit and I am sick of seeing my bear frustrated as soon as he enters camp before any work is done.
btw: it took him 12 hours to get to the minesite today

alright I have done my ranting
I still love mining and geology
tomorrow I am going back to vancouver island for christmas vacation, a nice quiet time away from the bustling and loud city to take pictures and reflect on things.

Current Mood: pissed off
Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
6:20 pm
Saw some kittys at metrotown today, made me sad to see them play and fight :(

Tomorrow is the last day I get to spend with my bear before christmas *sniffles*
and then I am going back to the island for a week and a half to spend the holidays with my family.

Heh, the man finally got a winter jacket, all black and puffy...quite pimpin if you ask me lol
and two pairs of wide-leg jeans and two nice dress shirts to go with them.
damn he looks good :P~

I dont even want to get into what Ive bought in the past two days, roughly $100 worth, but I look pretty shweet.
best part was on West Pender St when walking by one of those Arlow travel statue guys and this bum came up to us and pointed to Arlow and said "Dont trust this guy" and he walked off mumbling about it, twas a fun time in the downtown twillight

Current Mood: need to cook supper
Monday, December 13th, 2004
11:30 am
I did not have a very good night last night

I liken it to a form of emotional poisoning since I had something like one of my attacks again where I felt ignored and slightly unloved
perhaps because I have waaay too much amethyst in this apartment.
I couldnt sleep, I just got up out of bed, clutched my polished rose quartz, and cried in his manchair for 20 minutes because I didnt want to wake him up.
I knew what I was thinking was nonsence, that I should not be thinking the untrue, or reacting the way I did.
Eventually I crawled back in bed after putting my large chunk of quartz on the bedside table and held him tightly.

I am beginning to think that one of the presents I got for darla might not be a good thing, but then perhaps it just needs to be cleansed a bit more.

Current Mood: tired
Saturday, December 11th, 2004
9:57 pm
Finals are finished!
my hair is short again (though not dyed black and red just yet), and there is more time for:
-listening to the new rammestein album
-dueling with my bear on Mario Bros. 3
-shopping around town
-eating sushi
-baking cookies and cakes
-excessive amounts of great sex
-sleeping in

Good god, I am in trouble.
Lush has reopened at Metrotown Mall and has even more yummy stuff packed in that little store.
I saw the new store yesterday and dragged Wade in there to make him smell my addictions.
I loved the honey bathbomb scent so much that I bought some of the soap and a heart-shaped massage bar.
Also got myself another honey bathbomb and a citrus-avocado one too.

Current Mood: relaxed
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